Lazy Sundae

1210/2009

Once when I worked in this ice cream shop a lady came in, got two sundaes to go. She did not inform me of the to go part until i made them, so I put lids on the containers and it smooshed the Whipped cream down, but the sundae was still fine. It all ends up in the same place, no?

She demanded I make new ones that were not “crushed and ruined”. I said, that’s how we make them here, nice and big, and you didn’t tell me about the lid till they were made.

She said it was the Read the rest of this entry »

She’s Cool, Let Her Go

2809/2009

ok this one is short but i think is funny. so im working the french restuarant again and this one old lady always comes in and gets completely wasted with her friends. so one day mrs M comes in around 11 am and starts drinking wine then finally after like 5 bottles later around 4pm she finally leaves and while on her way out the door she passes out in the hallway. so we get her some water and she says she is ok so we let her go i dont know why but we do. then she gets in her car and drives righ Read the rest of this entry »

Bait and Switch

1109/2009

I work at a video rental store and when the shop closes at night we have to re-stock the shelves with the movies people have returned that day. If I’m in the mood I’ll occasionally swap a porn movie into a family movie and then laugh to myself as I think about some stupid mid-western family sitting down to watch ‘Shrek II’ but the only donkey they see is some guy’s huge donkey dick pummeling some ass.

Fake Out

3008/2009

Several years ago, I purposefully posted a fake exam on the web that looked like the real one, smelled like the real one, and was hellish like a real one. Then, one day, as expected I see a lardass moron reading the “exam” in class. I start asking how the hell he got it. He had no fucking clue! No fucking clue … I got really pissed. Since this was like the day before the final, I told the class that if you guys steal the exams, I will have to make the final comprehensive. I am glad that Read the rest of this entry »

You Say You Want Every Topping?

2608/2009

one of the best things about working at a pizza restaurant is that u can put whatever u want on a pizza and cook it and it still tastes good. so one night these 2 drunk guys come in and they are like we need some food but we dont have much money. so im like awesome this is gonna be fun. i tell them i have the perfect pizza for them. so i run back to the kitchen and start putting all kinds of shit on it. i start with cheese that fell on the floor and every other toppings that were left over. ne Read the rest of this entry »

No pain, No Laughter

1708/2009

I’m a trainer at a local gym and all of my ‘clients’ are totally wussy men. I intentionally make them lift more weight than they can handle in front of women just so they will be embarrassed.

I also require my fat women clients to wear full sweat suits. No shorts or t-shirts.

Dead Entry

3107/2009

I work for a company that hosts and supports websites for funeral homes. Yes, this is the 2nd most depressing job on the planet, thanks for asking. This moron lady emails me that a guestbook entry that she made on 6/16 is missing, where is it? Well, our database shows the guestbook was created 6/17. I call her back. I ask her to go to her PC and take a look at the guestbook page with me. “Hang on, I’m shaving my legs, just a sec.” She says. (woo) I spend 2 days fooling around with the damned web Read the rest of this entry »

Burn

2906/2009

I’m a pharmacy tech. A customer asked me what “No SI for a week” meant on his prescription. I blanked out for a second and had to ask a co-worker next to me what it meant. Right in front of the customer my co-worker exclaimed “IT MEANS NO SEXUAL INTERCOUSE–THAT’S FOR WHEN YOU HAVE THE CLAPS”. The customer hung his head, paid, and left.

Trouble Lingers

1706/2009

I am a salesman and yesterday I went to a client’s home to have him sign some papers. His wife let us in and said he would be with us in just a few minutes. We sat at the lunch bar and waited. I noticed out of the corner of my eye a man standing on the back deck looking away from the house. There was a nice breeze so the windows were open. All of a sudden I hear the most disgusting, bubbly, oozy fart. I started laughing as the man on the deck started to come inside. Knowing it was clearly Read the rest of this entry »

Not Applicable

206/2009

I work in a IT call center a gentleman called in today about password issues. When people have computers crap out they get a new one and some of there password stay the same and some of the local ones will change so they hand out a sheet with the passwords that have changed and all the others that arent local and stay the same they mark with N/A so on the sheet he sees

Mobius- N/A
TcTS- abcdefg

so any way he calls because his default mobius passowrd on the sheet is not Read the rest of this entry »

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