I have potty stage fright. It takes an enormous act of willpower to make onesies with someone else in the bathroom. So there is no way in hell I’m comfortable dropping a deep sea double in the office bathroom. But the other night was the exception…this one was…urgent to say the least.

So I scoped the place out and made sure no one else was in there or making their way over towards it. Once the coast was clear, I headed in and proceeded to do my duty. I was just finishing up w Read the rest of this entry »

After I worked out in the office gym this morning I went to take a shower. This hairy ass guy who works in my building was just getting out of the only available shower. I stepped in and noticed that he shed all over the shower floor. This was totally gross, but at least I had shower sandals on.

Then it happened. As I reached for my shampoo I accidentally knocked the bottle over and it fell to the floor. It was wet and tons of nasty body and pube hairs started to stick all over i Read the rest of this entry »

I was just standing at the urinal when another guy saddled up next to me. We were doing our thing when he let the loudest ‘toot’ ever. We were the only ones in there and it was pure silence; it reverberated throughout the entire bathroom. I almost peed on myself to control my laughter. His little ‘escapee’ stunk up the entire place.

I just farted at my desk. I had headphones on so I have no idea how loud it was. I am pretty sure someone heard it. There are people all around.

I had some wicked pasta for lunch today and really had to let one rip. I got on the elevator and figured WTF, so I let it fly. Of course on the way up to my floor, the elevator makes every stop possible. To make it worse, the smell followed me to my office where I share a room with four other people. Now, I’m thinking of going to the top floor and jumping off the roof.

I love the way passing gas, or ‘Farting’, in the workplace or in public is unacceptable - but as soon as you walk into the bathroom at work you can fart as much and as loud as you want.

Damn social norms…

A story told to me by a former coworker of mine: Our old boss used to be called “Swampy” by the rest of the crew due to his pervasive swamp-ass. You could smell the guy before you’d see him. One day a part timer was hanging out in the stock room on break, and Swampy walked by to use the bathroom without noticing him. The part timer said Swampy was in there for a few minutes, and then left for the day. The PT went into the bathroom to find that the bowl wasn’t flushed, and that some shit had Read the rest of this entry »

Have you ever woken yourself up with a fart?

Have you ever done it in a meeting?

I work as an analyst at an investment bank. After pulling an all-nighter, I was at our 8am meeting this morning. The rest is as follows…

About 15 minutes into the meeting, despite doing everything I could to keep my eyelids from closing, I soon fell soundly asleep. Falling asleep in a meeting, while not the best career move, is also quasi-understood by the senior bankers. Howev Read the rest of this entry »

I just crop dusted a good 50 feet. Unfortunatley, it was still lingering behind me when I got back to my cube, so everyone still knows it was me. F.

Today at work I went to the bathroom and realized that I had put my underwear on backwards. I am a girl and I wear thongs. You can see how this is awkward. The sad part… I would never have noticed had I not gone to the bathroom.