People just started coming into the office about 5 minutes ago for their 0800 shift so right as they were all coming in I seriously crop-dusted the fuck out of the office. I mean I really let loose, the reactions were priceless.
3 weeks ago I wiped a booger on the wall of the bathroom stall while I was taking a dump. As of today it was still hanging there.
we ran out of water today in the cooler. The tap water tastes like diapers. Thank god it’s a friday.
A few summers ago I was an intern at a software development company. Everyday when I went to the bathroom to drop a deucer I would time myself. Back at my desk I kept a journal of how much time I spent pooping everyday day.
At the end of the summer I tallied up all the minutes and calculated how much money I made pooping that summer. I ended up making $273. That shit really paid off.
For the past two days, I’ve been going into my favorite bathroom stall to read a book every other hour for an hour at a time… ahhh summer
Today is Fat Tuesday and my company has a grand idea. To walk all over NY handing out beads to our employees…great idea when it’s 20 degrees out. In order to make it worth my while I am going to tell all women they have to show me their breasts first. I LOVE BOOBIES!!!!
Did you ever notice when you go to the bathroom at work and you are alone spending quiet time, then all of a sudden its a rush to get up when someone else comes in running themselves into the stall next to you to unleash furry.I swear it happens to me all the time, I’m wiping all fast so I don’t have to smell that nasty neighbor.
Sometimes when I fart at work I gamble, today I lost
Ever since purchasing my iPhone the duration and frequency of my bathroom visits have increased greatly.
So, talking about a fart waking you up…..
I was a territory salesman for a John Deere dealership and I spent most of my days on the road. Tuesday mornings at 7:30 am we had a sales team meeting at the main dealership location with the owners that was an hour drive from my parents house so I had to be quiet when I got up at 5:30 on these mornings.
One particular Tuesday morning I awoke to a loud noise at about 5:15 that was not my alarm going off. I lay there confused Read the rest of this entry »