I have to take a crap real bad, but I’m afraid to leave my office because one of my bosses is looking for me. If I stay in my office I’ll be safe, because there’s no chance he’s coming down here. I can ignore his emails and calls, but if he catches me in the hall I’m dead.

I may shit in a cup in my office. Shit cup.

My last day at work, one of the two toilets in the ladies’ room was not working for the latter half of the afternoon.
About 10 minutes before quitting time I decided I should head over to the ladies’ room before my long commute home. As I’m walking down the hallway, the company’s receptionist (whom I did not get along with) was practically racing me to the bathroom. She got to the door before me and made it into the working stall. The non-working stall had a big “DO NOT USE” sign on it Read the rest of this entry »

I was showering at the gym before work this morning and after I was done I reached out from the shower for my towel. It wasn’t there. I open the shower curtain and look out. Nowhere in sight.

Finally, I look down. My towel had fallen off the rack and was now sitting in a sespool of gross locker room shower water.

Needless to say I did not use the towel or dry off. I’m now sitting at my desk wearing wet clothes. My hair is soaked and dripping all over my paperwork. Sw Read the rest of this entry »

I work from home and sometimes jerk off while answering e-mails.

I was taking a poop today at work and the guy in the stall next to me was wiping his ass so hard it sounded like he was brushing his teeth. I almost vomitted.

So I’m in the shower at the gym this morning and when I’m finished I turn the water off reach outside the shower stall and grab my towel. At this point I’m still in the stall, but the shower curtain is shut so I have a little privacy.

My boss, who I guess was next in line for the shower, must have noticed that the shower water was no longer running and probably assumed no one was in the shower.

Much to my surprise my boss opens the shower sans towel only to find me riding Read the rest of this entry »

I was taking a dump and the guy in the stale next to me fell asleep on the can. I heard him snoring. After I made a little noise he woke up, wiped, and walked out.

One monday morning at 10 am I shit my pants trying to fart. It was awful. I needed to walk three blocks from my office to my car, get a pair of mesh shorts I had in there, walk three blocks back to the office, jettison my boxer briefs in the trash can, spray on a whole bunch of axe, and work all day uncomfortably with the shorts as undies. Miserable monday.

Our restroom gets cleaned with something that smells exactly like Fruit Loops. This is a pleasant enough smell at 8 in the morning, but it all goes downhill once someone takes the first poop.

Why is it that when some guys take a piss they put their hand on the wall behind the toilet? I know they aren’t swinging a tool so big that it requires the assistance of a brick wall to keep their balance. Can anyone offer any guidance on the “hand-on-the-wall pisser”?