I just woke up with drool on my desk. I have no idea how long I was out.

I found a way to make my background a cartoon girl flipping a pancake in a frying pan. It is actually animated and the pancake flips up and down over and over. I’ve been staring at it for two hours.

I work at checkers. Somebody at drivethru ordered hamburger. my friend dared me to give him a cheeseburger. Instead of a hamburger i gave him a cheeseburger.

I think I might cancel a meeting today to go play basketball.

I never truly understood “Water Cooler Talk” until I switched project teams. Now whenever people just don’t feel like dealing with work and would rather gossip about the latest Kate Spade purses or how much our lives resemble Office Space, we just walk over to the water cooler and shoot the shit.

My boss went out of town for a few days. A co-worker and I decided to play a bit of a prank on him. Took apart an unoccupied cube, and used the parts to completely wall off my boss’s cube. There is no more door. We also installed a paper roof, and topped it off with a cardboard weather vane. To get into the cube he had to remove a few of the “removable” panels and crawl in. Now when he is sitting in his cube you can’t even see him. People come to talk to him all day long. It should be p Read the rest of this entry »

I convinced the autistic kid at work that masturbation causes cancer. I haven’t seen him in like a week. I swear i’m not a bad person, just really fing bored.

On one of the websites that I use to register domain names, this banner ad keeps coming up and telling me to type in ANYTHING and the animated person will say it-to demonstrate this company’s product. After hearing this stupid voice for the millionth time today, I decided that my coworked was in need of some harassment. “DAVID IS A BOOB” being broadcast across our cubicle farm definitely livened up MY afternoon.

I work at a place where because of health code all drinking cups have to be on one shelf.
I was bored one night and a very skittish cook was working.
His cup got duct taped to all the others.
After a big dinner rush, he went for a drink and 15 cups came down on him.
That was one of my better nights in that hell hole.

I just spilled coffee on my lap and yelled out “F*** Balls!” right as my boss was walking by.