I have a new co-worker (she’s 30+) and speaks in a little baby-girl voice (we’re phone operators and the baby voice annoys the p*ss outta me)….okay, so on her first day, she wanted so badly to be my buddy and asked me what I do for lunch. To ward her off, I told her, “I just drive around in my car and chainsmoke.” This worked very well–keeping her off my back for buddy-hood, and just generally making her think I’m strange. Yesterday, she gave me her home and cell numbers (she calls some other Read the rest of this entry »

This stupid kid in my office does nothing all day but IM her friends. Whatever, I don’t care about that. I just wish she would turn her stupid sounds. All I hear all day is Bariinnngggg’ Bloooooop’ Bariinnngggg’ Bloooooop. Why doesn’t she just put raise a flag in her cubicle that says, ‘I’m lazy and don’t care about this job.’

We have a gym at work and I used to workout everyday as soon as my shift ended. As of August however, I’ve been going to the gym at my office before starting my shift. As a tradeoff I’m forced to shower at the gym after I workout and then head straight to work. This isn’t really a big deal. I can handle naked old people walking around minding their own business.

Today was a little different though. Call it bad timing or fate, but it just so happened that the guy who was using the lock Read the rest of this entry »

The guy I share an office with just asked to borrow my headphones and then proceded to play music so loud that I could hear it more clearly than when he normally just plays it through his speakers. I’m sure his ears will start bleeding any moment now.

One of the guys I work with smells bad- He has really bad body odor. He has dandruff, greasy hair and totally needs to brush his teeth once in awhile. There is dandruff all over the back of his shirts, and all over the back of his black leather desk chair. I almost put my hands into it one day. Nice. He always has to come over to my desk to work on the computer, and that means he has to lean over to the stupid thing.Obviously, I have started backing farther and farther away, to avoid the mondo s Read the rest of this entry »

A guy I work with likes to violently thrust his pointer finger at my flat-panel monitor to show me stuff making discolored swirls where his finger hits the LCD. I can see the picture on the web page even when your finger is a foot away, you know.

I got a high five from a co-worker today because he was able to successfully submit and internet form. What a tool.

At work I sent out an email with facts from 100 years ago about America. One of the facts was that the US flag only had 45 stars on it, so Cindy an american born and raised girl says to me “I don’t get it, is there more now?” True story and yes I laughed at her~.

Whenever my officemate leaves the room I put a few more paperclips in his paperclip box. He keeps bragging to me about how long his box of paperclips has lasted. What a moron. Who actually takes pride in a never ending box of paperclips? Hey Ponce de Leon, it’s not the Fountain of Youth, why don’t you try getting laid once in a while. Loser.

I work with this retard who is a micro-managing church boy. His name, Ned Flanders. That is what I have called him since I started this place. I swear to that if I hear these bullshit project management terms, I’m going to scream. What the hell does “level set” mean anyway? This week Ned is on vacation in trailor trashville. I’m loving life. Last week Ned is sneaky and comes sneaking up behind my cube when I am trying to do what I do best at work as an AOL instant messenger protocol engineer, fa Read the rest of this entry »