This dude in my offices wears the same pants every single day. They’re not even cool pants. They are gross and crusty.

During a big office shuffle, Important Guy A stole Unimportant Guy’s fancy desk. Unimportant Guy got revenge by stealing an empty desk that Important Guy B had “marked” with a Post-It note. Important Guy B got very angry and bitched out the HR lady. HR Lady politely told him to get over himself.

For Valentines Day this year I am going to send my boss (a guy) a dozen long stem roses and a teddy bear. I’m going to sign it Steve. Steve is another guy who works in the office and is a total tool.

I had computer problem and the helpdesk sent down a noob to fix my PC. She ended up crashing the damn thing and had to take it upstairs to rebuild. As she walked away, I noticed a wet spot on my chair. I summoned everyone in the office to come and take a look. Noone dared to touch/sniff it but my fear was justified - she later came back to apologize for messing up my PC AND leaving a spot on my chair, it was her first day at work and also her time of the month… The infamous chair went int Read the rest of this entry »

We do a lot of (pointless) conference/net meetings at my job. I’ve been lucky enough to escape all but one of them. As I logged into the meeting on my phone, the leader of the meeting was advising what code to dial into net meeting with. Someone comes onto the line and asks how to log into net meeting. The leader of the meeting tells her to click on her start button - before he can continue with his instructions, she cuts him off by exclaiming, “I don’t have a START button!”
I knew that th Read the rest of this entry »

so anyway my boss has a serious problem with annunciation. he puts the wrong annunciation on the wrong words so check it…..

you should HAVE been here an hour AGO!
instead of you SHOULD have been here an HOUR ago!

i spent four HUNDRED dollars on that!
instead of “i spent FOUR hundred DOLLARS on that!

its incredibly amusing, more to come in the future as they, and boy they will, progress. my boss is a cunt. he wore jean shorts today. he IS a Read the rest of this entry »

1st Person: “Do you know anything about this fax-machine?”
2nd Person: “A little. What’s wrong?”
1st Person: “Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened.”
2nd Person: “How did you load the sheet?”
1st Person: “It’s a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn’t want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it and read it.”

I work at an upscale restaurant taking reservations and handling phones. It is not unusual to have some dude call and try and be a bigshot by paying for someone’s dinner over the phone, to surprise the party dining downstairs. So the new girl working last night spoke with a guy who wanted to do this. Took his credit card and everything, it was for his parents anniversary. Then, instead of telling anyone at all, she e-mails this information to me, knowing full well I will not arrive until the Read the rest of this entry »

I brought a mini fridge into work a few years ago when I liked everyone I work with. Told all of them, use it at will…enjoy. Today someone suggested via email that they remove the food and clean it out. Since I hate all of them now, I replied that I am taking it home and if they could all remove the food by the end of the day, that would be great. I’m such a dick.

parking spaces obviously cause a lot of tension. In the parking garage where I work, everyone flocks to the spaces nearest the doors, on the 2nd level, and invariably they waste time if they’re not they’re by 5am or something.
They are suckers. When I drive in, I immediately park in the first space I see, closet to the exit, and sprint to the building to go clock in and get paid.
At the end of the day, while they are searching for their cars in the midst of chaos, I just start it up Read the rest of this entry »