parking spaces obviously cause a lot of tension. In the parking garage where I work, everyone flocks to the spaces nearest the doors, on the 2nd level, and invariably they waste time if they’re not they’re by 5am or something.
They are suckers. When I drive in, I immediately park in the first space I see, closet to the exit, and sprint to the building to go clock in and get paid.
At the end of the day, while they are searching for their cars in the midst of chaos, I just start it up Read the rest of this entry »

Does everyone have a person in their office who spends all day long contributing to the lack of productivity that goes on each day? There’s a girl in this office who spends all day long coordinating office birthdays, lunches, weekend plans, etc. I do not think she was hired to plan and execute social events for other office mates. All morning each Monday she hits each cube asking what everyone did. “How was your weekend?” Then around 11 am each day she wants to know where everyone’s going f Read the rest of this entry »

My co-worker definetely caught my staring at her boobs in the gym this morning. Today should be nice and awkward.

My boss just walked into my office and stuck a yellowed bumpersticker on a cabinet against my wall that says “Another Student for Reagan-Bush ‘84″…

So I was washing my hands today when a dude comes into the bathroom, like at least 300lbs, probably looking to give birth in a toilet. It sounded like he was wiping before he ever took a shit. Fast forward 90 min. later, I go in again and there is sweaty ass hair all over the seat, just stuck there. I want to puke, but I would prefer dropping a log without sitting on someone’s pubes.

As a result, I still need to poop.

Today at work I saw something no human should ever have to witness. I walked in on my boss as he was being yelled at by his wife for not taking out the garbage this morning. He was being whiny and backing down in fear of his wife. It was the most pathetic thing I think I have ever seen. I no longer have respect for him after what I just watched.

This old guy always stands at the urinal with his hands on his hips while he pees. Maybe he thinks he’s Superman.

This guy that I work with finally got married last weekend in Vegas. When we asked him about his trip, he conviently left out the fact that he got hitched, but told us the details of every piece of food he ate at the free buffet. His new wife keeps calling and he pretends it’s someone else. What an idiot.

I asked this guy to do me a favor like 2 hours ago and it kind of slipped his mind. So I walked down to his office to remind him and he said:

“Oh man, I totally forgot, I’m being so retarded today.” - while he was saying that he started pounding his chest with a limp wrist and started making retard grunting noises.

Inappropriate? Just a bit.

What kind of ho bag pops popcorn at 8:45AM??!!!! My cube is closest to the kitchen area and everyday like clockwork this wanna be milf with 2 ugly kids (whose horrible drawings/colorings of jesus adorn her cube - no lie) strolls into pop some Orville Redenbacher like she’s getting ready for a matinee. I love popcorn and all but jesus, not everyday before 9! The smell is starting to make me sick and it makes me want to kick her in the face - more than i already do. I hate you soccer mom!! And you Read the rest of this entry »