I hate the whole “TEAM” concept at work. My definition of team is so that a couple good employees can work there asses off while the crappy know nothing employees keep there jobs longer. Yeah the good ones just pick up the slack for the ones doing nothing and reading Todayatwork.com allday. Luckily I’ve decided today that I too will become a slacker which leaves my 1 co-worker to do a project given to all 5 of us slackers. Hooray for doing nothing!

goddamit. the power in our entire building went out today, along with surrounding blocks. the restaurant i work in said “call everybody! now” so i called like 20 people to cancel their shit. last one, the fucking power comes right back on. for an hour, all i heard was “power’ll be on tomorrow, late today/we’re shutting the building down/blah blah blah”. so now i’m stuckk calling everyone back, looking like a complete asshole that doesn’t know my shit from my piss. on top of that, i have t Read the rest of this entry »

Why is it that whenever we have a food drive at the office people put the crappiest consumable substances ever in the box? I understand that some people are less fortunate than others but seriously, no one wants a block of cheese embedded with onions and peppers.

Since I graduated in May I’ve been working as an intern for a company that makes me fantasize about jamming a letter opener into my eyes. It’s not all bad though because for the longest time I couldn’t do most of what they hired me for because my computer was missing the necessary program. Apparently the work order got tangled up in red tape, so of course I fooled around for 2 months doing nothing and getting paid for it. Today my supervisor got sick of the IT people and demanded it be put on my Read the rest of this entry »

I work at a local bar and we only play top 40 music. If I hear that Mariah Carey song one more time I’m gonna shove a screwdriver through my ear.

I swear to god the next person that comes in my office and asks me if anything is wrong I’m going to stab their achilles tendon with a rusty nail.

I’M FINE!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

So I’m sitting here perusing the stuff on my desk…nothing out of the ordinary…laptop, lamp, rolodex (poke your fun), stapler, adding machine… I’m wondering why I have a cell phone that can text, email, hold however many numbers, calculate, play games, call China, etc. and is tiny and my adding machine is the size of Texas. HELLO ADDING MACHINE PEOPLE. LET’S STREAMLINE, SHALL WE?

When I woke up this morning and saw the snow outside I got very excited and planning my well deserved extra day off. I plans where shattered of course when my phone rang and like an idiot answered only to hear the sound of my boss telling me that we are open today. Hoooray! I shouted in glee I LOVE MY JOB!!! (

I used to work at a lawn service and whenever my boss would piss me off, I would throw a leaf blower into the tail light of the truck.

So the other day I had to watch over the main register for my co-worker who callied in sick due to a family tradegy. This caused me to forget my lunch in the car which made my nice car into a vomit inducing tin can.
But prior to all of this nonsense, I was in such a rush to get to work that I also forgot deoderant so I was beginning to smell like a fourth grade class just after recess.

So now I’m a smelly, starving pissed off employee who has accomplished nothing becasuse I’m "help Read the rest of this entry »