Just last week I went to my fairly hot coworker’s office because she was helping me with this problem I had. My inner-ear was itching a lot the whole day so every couple minutes I would tug at my ear lobe in hopes to alieviate the itching. So I sit down at her desk and borrow a pen from her because I left mine down the hall. While she was explaining something to me, I was sitting there with her pen cap in my ear using it as a Q-Tip. I had no idea I was even using her pen cap that way until a Read the rest of this entry »

I accidentally spilled water on my officemates laptop and now his computer won’t work. He’s super pissed and he tried to get me in trouble with our boss. What a dick.

So i’ve been working in the same building for about 6 months and parking in the same garage for the same amount of time. There are 2 sets of glass doors connecting the garage walkway and the building. I notice a very attractive woman walking toward the doors about the same distance away as i am and being the gentleman that i am i would like to open the door for her. I’m pushing my hardest and cannot get the door open. I then think to swipe my key card thinking that will work. She then walks Read the rest of this entry »

I keep stats at the local university’s basketball games. Sometimes I find it really difficult to pay attention and I’ll end up missing peoples stats or I’ll give them stats they don’t necessarily deserve in an attempt to balance things.

One game I said a guy who is 5′10″ had 4 blocks. The kid can barely touch the rim.

I purchased bread yesterday to bring to work in order to make sandwiches. I forgot the bread at home. Looks like I’ll be eating spoonfuls of peanut butter and jelly today for lunch.

I work part-time as a house-keeper at a fancy hotel in D.C. Saturday morning I was making my rounds and when I entered one room (they didn’t have the ‘Do not disturb’ sign posted) I found a guy passed out on the floor. His pants were down near his ankles and his shoes were tied together.

I ran out of the room almost laughing to tears. I can only imagine what happened to that guy the night before.

I work in a secured facility and in order to get into any of our doors you have to swipe your name badge in front of this little magnetic card reader. The readers are crappy and delayed. It takes them a while to read your card. In order for the reader to work well you have to stand really close to the door.

The problem is that people coming out of the facility do not need to swipe their cards to exit and there are no windows on the doors.

A day ago I was in a huge rush s Read the rest of this entry »

I work in a watch repair shop and whenever anyone comes in the store a door chime sounds. The chime is a man with a British accent asking: “Excuse me sir, do you have the time?”

Ordinarily, this would probably be fine. The problem is when a woman walks into the store she is basically greeted as a man. Most ladies don’t really notice, but occasionally we’ll get a live wire femo-nazi who get’s super offended. Screw you Susan B. Anthony. The only time you need to know is breakfast, Read the rest of this entry »

When you dont wear underwear you have to make sure your zipper is always up. This is especially true if your a college professor who is lecturing.

I dropped a whole tray of food on my way out to the table. The people were so pissed they got up and left. My manager said if that ever happens again I’ll be fired.