What Time Is It?

511/2009

I work in a watch repair shop and whenever anyone comes in the store a door chime sounds. The chime is a man with a British accent asking: “Excuse me sir, do you have the time?”

Ordinarily, this would probably be fine. The problem is when a woman walks into the store she is basically greeted as a man. Most ladies don’t really notice, but occasionally we’ll get a live wire femo-nazi who get’s super offended. Screw you Susan B. Anthony. The only time you need to know is breakfast, Read the rest of this entry »

Guest Lecturer

2210/2009

When you dont wear underwear you have to make sure your zipper is always up. This is especially true if your a college professor who is lecturing.

Drop the Ball

1610/2009

I dropped a whole tray of food on my way out to the table. The people were so pissed they got up and left. My manager said if that ever happens again I’ll be fired.

Whack On

910/2009

We have a gate at work and by gate i mean a little bar thingy that comes down to block the entrance. This morning the lady in front of me swiped her badge and on account of me being lazy i figured i would risk it and just drive on through (i’m apparently too lazy to push the button to roll down my window) i thought there’s no way it would close on my car.

SO i go through and it comes crashing down on the roof of my car. it wacked me like 5 times. I was so embarrassed i just ran insid Read the rest of this entry »

What’s Thong With Me?

610/2009

The other day my boss asked me to come with her to pick up a rental car for the company to use. We were walking back through the parking lot and I could feel something in my coat pocket. Thinking it was a tissue, I pull it our right in front of her- it’s a THONG. Apparently I left my boyfriend’s in a hurry the other day and didn’t put it back on. She looked somewhat disgusted. Oops.

Ditch My Pride

2209/2009

After a long hard day of work it was time to go home. I walked out to the parking lot only to find my car was nowhere in site. I asked around the office and no one could think of a logical reason my car would be missing so I called the property management company. I asked if they had towed any cars that day and they replied that they had not.

At this point there was only one other alternative that could possibly explain the whereabouts of my car. Someone must have stolen it. I Read the rest of this entry »

Deserved Promotion

1709/2009

So, my buddy T-bone and I used to work in a PC deployment job. We would push huge ass bins full of new equipment, replace it all, and haul the old shit back to our lair. T-bone thought it would speed up the pace by blindingly pushing bins to me as fast as he could. I turn around and see a huge bin with 10,000 mice and keyboards racing towards me at blazing speed. Before it could reach me, I hear this ear-shattering crack as the bins smashed the fuck out of a door frame, breaking it into a thousa Read the rest of this entry »

Forgetful Smells

709/2009

I’m an idiot I need to start taking some memory medicine cause my bad memory just embarressed the crap out of me. Ok I emailed 2 of my co-workers to stop by my desk so I can train them on an issue we’ve been having at my cubicle. I get busy with sumthin else and forget that I did that I feel a rumbling in my stomach and I can tell it was gonna be one of those “silent but deadly farts” so I let it go and cough as I do so. Right when I let it go I hear a conversation getting closer and closer to m Read the rest of this entry »

Spiderman

509/2009

I was out of town last weekend visiting some friends and we all decided to “dress up” and go out to the bars. It turns out that “dress up” meant to put on the most ridiculous outfit we could find. My friend dressed up as Santa Claus and I dressed up as Spiderman.

While we were at the bar my friend (Santa) was grabbing girls and making them sit on his lap and asking them what they wanted for Christmas. I (Spiderman) was jumping up and down on the patio furniture and pretending to sh Read the rest of this entry »

Best Copies Ever

3108/2009

Today my boss (who has a nice rack and is only about 35) pinned me in the copy machine room and told me that if I didn’t screw her that I’d be out of work…needless to say, I made perhaps the best copies on that machine than I have in the past 6 years i worked there

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