On occasion I get wood at work and I can’t leave my desk. Not usually a huge problem, but I was already running late for a meeting today so I had to risk it.

Bad news.

I ended up walking down the hall pointing in the same direction I was headed. It was like someone stuffed a roll of quarters in my pants.

Two years ago I worked at a fairly nice golf course and country club. I was part of the cart staff. My day usually consisted of about 10% work, about 60% sitting on my ass, and 30% leisure (Playing golf, breaking things, setting stuff on fire, and watching tv). However one fateful day there was to be much more instore for me. When a cart breaks down, it is our responsibility to take the golfers a new cart and return with the old one.

To do this we have a white-spray-painted piece of Read the rest of this entry »

I work at an elementary school and was helping another teacher’s assistant create a bulletin board. We were haning up paper letters with a stapler and as a joke I pretended like I was going to staple my hand to the board.

The other TA decided it would be a good idea to push me and I ended up stapling my hand. It hurt so bad. I’m so pissed off and I want to go home now.

everyone has been coming in here and saying they smell something and i’ve been telling them they smell the little tupperware containter of strawberries on my desk. i finally noticed a reekage coming from under my desk. i looked in the trash can and there were the remains of my lunch from friday rotting gleefully. today is wednesday. awesome. everyone must think i forgot to shower today. and here i’ve been cheerfully responding “it’s the strawberries!”

I habitually forget to turn my cell phone off during meetings. Yesterday during an important staff meeting, while the Chief Financial Officer was giving her presentation, my cell phone went off at full blast.

My ring tone was set to ‘It’s Raining Men’ by The Weather Girls.

P.S. I’m a guy.

Today at work I popped a pimple in the bathroom and it wouldn’t stop bleeding. I had a meeting like 5 minutes later and I had to hold a tissue on my forehead the whole time. I just told everyone that my cat scratched my head before work that day.

I backed into one of my coworkers cars today in the parking lot and made a huge dent in the side. I didn’t leave a note or anything. I can’t stand that lady anyway. I hope her car is a lease and she has to get it fixed.

I always have a cup of water at my desk with me. Today I grabbed the cup and started to drink when I noticed their was a huge black hair (my hair is light brown) in my cup. Before I could stop drinking the hair went in my mouth.

I immediately closed my throat and leaned my head forward to let the water come back out of my mouth and into the cup.

Along with it came that huge hair. I have no idea where it came from. It made me want to puke everywhere.

About a year ago, I was working at a retail store in the computer department. One day, there were hardly any customers around, and my co-workers and I had nothing to do but to surf the internet. The computer that we were on was our “demo” computer (it was one of the faster ones, had a dolby 5.1 speaker system, plus it was connected to the internet).

One of our favorite things to do during a time like this was to find codes for games that we had, so we started doing some google search Read the rest of this entry »

Earlier this morning I spilled milk and cereal all over a keyboard and now whenever I type weird characters like this come out on the screen: ‘ ‘ ‘. Now I have to use my old beat up laptop to do my work. Bitter.