I work with this retard who is a micro-managing church boy. His name, Ned Flanders. That is what I have called him since I started this place. I swear to that if I hear these bullshit project management terms, I’m going to scream. What the hell does “level set” mean anyway? This week Ned is on vacation in trailor trashville. I’m loving life. Last week Ned is sneaky and comes sneaking up behind my cube when I am trying to do what I do best at work as an AOL instant messenger protocol engineer, fa Read the rest of this entry »

I love the way passing gas, or ‘Farting’, in the workplace or in public is unacceptable - but as soon as you walk into the bathroom at work you can fart as much and as loud as you want.

Damn social norms…

I work with complete idiots. I am not just saying that. They are so mentally deficient, a broom could handle the workload in a more productive manner. There are two managers. One got the job because he goes to church with our director. He has absolutely zero experience in the technology field. His degree is in accounting. WTF??? The other only got her job because the previous manager was such a colossal fuck up that after 5 years, they had to replace him. Lesser of two evils I suppose. Anyway, m Read the rest of this entry »

A story told to me by a former coworker of mine: Our old boss used to be called “Swampy” by the rest of the crew due to his pervasive swamp-ass. You could smell the guy before you’d see him. One day a part timer was hanging out in the stock room on break, and Swampy walked by to use the bathroom without noticing him. The part timer said Swampy was in there for a few minutes, and then left for the day. The PT went into the bathroom to find that the bowl wasn’t flushed, and that some shit had Read the rest of this entry »

Listen, I’m no botanist or anything, but in the kitchen where I work we have a bunch of half and half coffee creamers just laying out on the counter. Don’t they go bad? Shouldn’t they be in the fridge? It’s going to smell like sour milk in here.

So i’ve been working in the same building for about 6 months and parking in the same garage for the same amount of time. There are 2 sets of glass doors connecting the garage walkway and the building. I notice a very attractive woman walking toward the doors about the same distance away as i am and being the gentleman that i am i would like to open the door for her. I’m pushing my hardest and cannot get the door open. I then think to swipe my key card thinking that will work. She then walks Read the rest of this entry »

So i used to work at a video store in a grocery store. Well the main owner(big asshole) rents movie’s from there from time to time. Well one day, i was bored and searched for his name in the database. Needless to say , i found it. I decided to change his first name from Wayne to Queer. His membership read Mr. Queer Anglin. About a month passes and i havent thought much of it since it had been so long.
One day, i was late to work as usual and i walked in and they told me that my boss just Read the rest of this entry »

This morning I walked into work, turned on my computer, and checked my emails.

There were 3 emails from my boss basically yelling at me for not finishing the work that she told me to do yesterday. I don’t care, im putting in my two weeks this Friday anyway.

Have you ever woken yourself up with a fart?

Have you ever done it in a meeting?

I work as an analyst at an investment bank. After pulling an all-nighter, I was at our 8am meeting this morning. The rest is as follows…

About 15 minutes into the meeting, despite doing everything I could to keep my eyelids from closing, I soon fell soundly asleep. Falling asleep in a meeting, while not the best career move, is also quasi-understood by the senior bankers. Howev Read the rest of this entry »

Every two or three days I meet with one of my co-workers in his office to discuss the work we are currently doing. I can’t stand this guy so every time I’m in there I always nonchalantly ask, ‘What’s that smell?’ I don’t really smell anything, but it drives the guy nuts. Ever since I’ve started it, the guy has put all sorts of air fresheners and potpourri in his office.